catching up on random foggy summer days

Well, hello there! I bet you thought I stopped blogging. Nope, for some reason I just blog less in the summer. Though, I don't know that I can really use nice weather as an excuse since San Francisco doesn't really ever get nice weather. But oh well, at least we aren't buried in snow or sizzling in oven like temperatures. I'll take fog any day.

So, how have we been spending our non-sunny San Francisco days? Well, we've been on a bit of an electronics spending spree lately...wait, i should amend that by saying that Tim has been on a bit of an electronic spending spree. In the past two months we've added a second i-Pad, a 42" flat screen plasma television, and an i-Phone to the family. Basically, we've turned into a couple of nerds. :)

And, don't worry, the wedding is still in the process of planning itself. Oh wait, weddings don't do that? Oh shit, I'd better get a move on then. We'll probably start seriously planning stuff after we return from Portland for Thanks Giving. That's when we plan on venue shopping...

And now back to my brand new baby, my i-Phone. Let me just say that my last phone was definitely not smart, so entering the smart phone age has been a bit of shock for me. You mean that I can access my email from my phone? You mean that I can keep my Starbucks gift card on my phone, and just show it to the checker? You mean that I can play Angry Birds on my phone while playing i-Tunes??? Way cool. But, my most favorite feature is the camera, which takes half way decent pictures!!! Woo-hoo! Just to test it out I went on a photo walk on my lunch break the other day, and through the use of my phones camera, and my favorite app Instagram, I snapped up the following:

and one of my favorites, because it's so perfectly random...a pair of lost shoes.

Also, as a side note, because I've decided that birthdays after the big 3-0 are officially side-notes, I did manage to turn 31 last month. We went to Napa to hang out with some sheep. Oh, and we drank some wine too :)

Hope you're all enjoying your summers!

Oliver wanted to say hi

He also wanted to show you all how much fun he's been having on our new porch. Since he's always been an indoor cat, and we've never had an inclosed outdoor space for him, he's never been able to spend time outside. Though, he's always loved sitting in the windowsill with the screen open to the fresh air, and sun bathing on the carpet in the morning rays.

I'm sure you all remember this:

And when there wasn't any actual sun, we ended up with something like this:

Well those days are over. It didn't take him long to realize his favorite spot in our new place. And so far, he's even proven smart enough (which I'm truly surprised by), not to jump off of it. We are on the third story after all...it's kind of a long way down.

Is it possible that he's found something that he likes better then eating?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...what a load of crap!

Let me just start by saying that I eat apples. Almost every day in fact. And they most definitely did not keep the doctor away. Here's a break down of the last five weeks:

Week one: cough, sore throat. In denial about being sick. Why? Well, because I'm invincible of course, and I don't get sick. Ever. I especially don't get sick right before vacation.

Week two: Cough, sore throat, sneezing, stuffy nose, fever, & chills (a total walking advertisement for Nyquil, which I had none of since I was in another country). Totally pissed about being sick while ON vacation in Mexico, but ignoring it because I had just gotten engaged(yay!)! Finally gave in on day three and made my way to the hotel gift shop for what I think were Mexican cough drops, though I couldn't read the box.

Week three: Cough, sore throat. Post vacation..."It's nothing," and "Oh, I'm fine," become common utterances to co-workers pleas for me to go to the doctor. More denial and avoidance ensue.

Week four: Cough, hack, cough. Finally call doctor to find that doctor is on vacation until June. Sweet. More avoidance...

Week five: cough, cough, cough...Suck it up and go to acute care at UCSF, since doctor is still out of town. Result? ACUTE BRONCHITIS. Lovely. I now have a golden ticket; a prescription for three different meds. An antibiotic that I can't pronounce, but that may also be because I can't read the doctors handwriting, a prescription cough medicine, and an inhaler. Oh, and a lecture from the doctor about not waiting five weeks to get checked out.

Ok, fine. Lesson learned. Now on to the pharmacy! Dear Good Health, it will be so nice to see you again :)

mexico

A few years ago we returned from the Dominican Republic, or as Tim affectionately dubbed the trip "keeping it buzzed 2009." So it was only fitting that Mexico continue the tradition with "keeping it buzzed 2011."

Here's a few not so fun at the time, but funny in retrospect things that I learned on this trip:
* I still hate to fly, which is difficult since I love to travel. Damn you turbulence. I still will maintain that if people were intended to fly we would have wings.
* Miami has the worst most un-organized customs checkpoints ever. Seriously...EVER.
* I shouldn't use my sarcastic abilities to piss off drunk guys on airplanes (not Tim, lol). Expecially big drunk guys from the South that are sitting next to me, who spend the rest of the flight taking up all of my arm rest and foot space room, and chewing gum in my ear. Oh how much I wanted to punch him. Tim wouldn't let me.
* Try as hard a possible not to go on vacation with the worst cold ever. I failed at this. I spent the entire time coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and at one point feverish (but this could have had more to do with the extreme sun exposure on the first day, lol). However, perusing the medicine aisle at the Mexican drug store was fun.

Ok, all that having been said, on to the fun stuff...

We stayed in an all inclusive resort in Playa del Carmen, just outside of Cancun. It looked like this:

The first day we were there we spent the entire day at the pool:

And, by the end of the day I looked a lot more like this:

Apparently my waterproof sunscreen wasn't as waterproof as it claimed. Oh well, we soothed our charred skin with many many of these:

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Meanwhile, here's some pics from the beach:

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Along the way, we had some fun:

We met a few dozen lizards.

We went to a weird tequila museum.

Tim danced (at one point on a stage, but I've been forbidden from posting those pics).
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Oh, and we also got engaged.

It was a good trip.
:)

lets go to the races

I remember from a very young age my father sitting me down, year after year, to watch The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness, and The Belmont Stakes. He loved those races.

At the age of seven I knew names like Citation, Secretariat, Seattle Slew, and Affirmed, because those were the horses that he had either listened to on the radio or later watched win the triple crown on television.

I think Secretariat was his favorite. It's easy, givin the horses 31 length victory in the Belmont to understand why. I can't imagine what watching that race live on television, or better yet being there in the stands that day to see it in person would have been like. Hell, watching the video re-cap on youtube is enough to make me catch my breath. Watching it live probably would have given me a heart attack.

If you have never seen this race, take a moment to watch it and be amazed.


Wasn't that ridiculous?

I still watch the Triple Crown every single year, and can't actually remember a year that I've missed it. Though, as a kid, watching these races was fun, and routine, I never really got the thrill of it until recently.

We went to our first live races back in Maryland last year. Actually, it was Derby Day and we were at Pimlico race track (where they have traditionally run the second leg of the triple crown, the Preakness), to watch the Kentucky Derby telecast. It was the first time I'd bet on a horse. It was also the first time that I had won a bet. My two dollars turned into thirty-seven, but I never cashed the ticket. It's a souvenir.

I've been hooked ever since.

Everyone has their obsessions, mine just happens to be horse racing at the moment.

Out here in California we have both Golden Gate fields, and Santa Anita (though it's quite a ways down south and we haven't made it to that track yet). But we've spent Sunday's for the last three weeks in a row at Golden Gate fields betting on the horses. Now before any of you start to worry about gambling addiction, and my loosing all my money, let me clarify that a minimum bet on a horse is $2, which for me is often also my maximum bet ;) In a nine race day, the most we'll loose is $18. But our luck has been pretty good, and most of the time we at least break even. Flat out loosing on five or six races, and winning a descent chunk back on an 10 to 1 underdog a couple of times.

There's no real method to how I pick a horse that I want to bet on in a race. I haven't gotten to the point where I buy the horse journals, the tip sheets, and bring my clip boards and track sheets with me. Tim will occasionally bet an exacta or a trifecta, but we're really not all that hard core.

But I love watching the horses walk the warmups. I'll choose a horse because he's pretty,or because he holds his head high and alert, but not because he's the odds on favorite. Or I'll choose him because his Jockey's already won a race or two that day. I favor the giant dark brown ones, over the reds. So, I really have no method, which is why I loose pretty often, but it really isn't all about the money.

I just like watching these giant animals run.

And in two weeks, you can bet on finding me glued to my television, or better yet at the track watching a telecast of the 137th running of the Kentucky Derby. It's been 32 years since a horse has won the Triple Crown, and I think we're long overdue.

Pigeons, dogs?, pigs, and cats...or, how animals have played strange rolls in my world lately.

Some of you may remember me mentioning that I was accosted by a pigeon while back in Portland over Christmas. To be honest, I thought it was pretty funny. I mean how many people do you know that have had a pigeon fly into their head?

Well, know you know a person who has had it happen to her TWICE. Yes, folks it happened AGAIN. I was leaving for work one morning about a month ago. It was just getting light out, and I had just stepped onto the sidewalk across the street from our apartment. I looked to my right down the road to gauge how far away my bus was and if I would make it to the stop in time to catch it. And right as I looked to my right a pigeon dive-bombed into my head.

What the hell? Am I wearing invisible bird seed? Does my hair look like a birds nest(I guess this may be possible)? Or, have pigeons collectively just decided to up and revolt?

Who knows. God help me if it happens again though. I'm starting to feel like I walked into a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.
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People own dogs. I get that. Dogs crap. I get that too. But what I don't get is that people don't always understand that they need to pick that shit up. The other day I stepped out of the car directly into an enormous pile of shit. It was made even more lovely because I didn't actually realize it until I had tracked it up three flights of stairs, walked through and around my apartment and gone into my bedroom to take of my shoes. That is when I discovered that my shoe was caked in crap and that my apartment smelled like it too. What I'm choosing not to think about is that there is a distinct possibility that a dog may not have been the offender...if you know what I mean. At times like this I am reminded by my good friend Forrest Gump:

Bumper Sticker Guy: [running after Forrest] WOAH! Man, you just ran through a big pile of dog shit!
Forrest Gump: It happens.
Bumper Sticker guy: What, shit?
Forrest Gump: Sometimes.

*sigh*
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Last weekend Tim and I decided to go to the Jelly Belly Factory in Fairfield, because, well, what could be more fun then that? Except that we went on a Saturday, and sadly all the bean makers are home with their families on weekends so the factory was kinda quiet. But alas, we made do. This was quite the educational little tour. Did you know that it takes up to three weeks to make a Jelly Belly Bean? Or, that they package up all the misshapen, irregular, stuck together, too big, too small, and other not up to Jelly Belly standards beans into two pound bags of Belly Flops? Or, best fact yet...did you know that they don't just throw away the Jelly Beans that fall on the ground during production. Nope. They package these up, ship them off to farmers, where they are actually fed to PIGS. We all know that pigs eat anything...but apparently, the consumption of Jelly Belly Beans actually makes pigs leaner. I wish that eating jelly beans made me leaner.
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And, lastly, what would a blog post be without Oliver? My co-worker and friend, Lee, is also in art school. As a project she had to film a documentary. What did she choose as her subject? Why, Oliver of course. Enjoy :)

Eeeek, so I haven't been very good about my promise to post more here...SORRY

I'll let the title speak for itself...
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Ok, that having been said, I don't anticipate there being any coherent theme to this particular post. But, I promise that if you make it all the way through, you'll be rewarded by a particularly amusing Oliver update (since I know that's why most of you read this blog anyway) :)

First up, we went to Portland for Christmas!!! This opportunity presented itself solely because my employer out of the kindness of their hearts, closed the entire office for a full week. Mandatory vacation. Seriously? Yep. Seriously. --And, sorry to all of you in P-town that I couldn't fit into my trip this time around, promise you get priority scheduling rights for the next trip :)

Here is a semi-alphabetical list of why I love Portland (letters omitted because, well, it's my list and I felt like it):
A) Always knowing exactly where I am. For once I get to know more then Tim does about directions.
B) Bridges. The Fremont to be exact. I've seen lots of bridges in lots of places, but I still think this one is my favorite.
C) Crystal. Yep you made the list!
D) Dockside Saloon. And not just because it's where they found the infamous garbage which blew open the Nancy Kerrigan "clubing" case. But, because my old friends own and operate it. Mom, Jimmy, Tim, myself and Ninon met up there for brunch and a re-hashing of childhood stories. Good times. (long live long neck john).
E) Elephant's Deli potato and sausage frittata. Mouth watering right now as I type this.
F) Family. OMG my nieces are sooooo big!
G) Grandma's lemon cupcakes. These were a childhood staple for all five of us. Grandma passed 16 (?) years ago, but I got a hold of the recipe (because I'm kind of a super hero), and I had a nice frosted plate of them sitting on the counter Christmas morning. Disguised as regular cupcakes of course. Priceless.
H) Hood. Beautiful beautiful Mt. Hood.
K) Katie. Yep, you're on here too.
L) Let It Bead. Another favorite shop. And I should mention that I'm pretty impressed that after not stopping in for three years the owner still recognized me.
M) MAX. After putting up with the DC subway system, and San Francisco's lame excuse for metro, I have a whole new appreciation for Portland's public transportation system.
P) Powell's. Powell's. Powell's. Need I say more?
R) Rain. Always have loved the rain, and the fact that it poured the entire time we were there didn't ruin a thing.
S) Stumptown espresso. So good, that I now justify spending $17 for them to ship it to me here in San Francisco.
S etc.) Sara. Because you need to be on the list too.
T) Tavern and Pool. One of the lesser frequented McMenamin's bars. I'll keep going back...even though they changed their chowder recipe.
U) Uncle's Christmas Wrapping. Every year is interesting, but this year he outdid himself. All of our Nike boxes were wrapped inside University of Oregon Ducks t-shirts!

Oh, and here's one reason (possibly the only reason) why I hate Portland. PIGEONS. I was walking to the MAX stop to catch the Red line out to Gresham to visit Brenda, minding my own damn business. A pigeon flew into my face. Let me say that again: A PIDGEON FLEW INTO MY FACE. True story. I can now say with complete truthfulness that I have been accosted by a pigeon (and feathers don't taste very good). It's ok if you laugh at this.
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Second up. New Years resolutions. I didn't make any this year. Though an undocumented, continual resolution is to actually work out more. I hit 30 last year, and apparently that's the magic age for your metabolism to crap out on you. My jeans don't fit. This is unacceptable. I also hate the gym, which is also unacceptable if you are attempting to make your jeans fit again. Do you know what has made me love the gym now? Food Network. Or rather the treadmills equipped with cable television at the YMCA up the street. we don't have cable because we don't need an additional excuse to sit around the house, so I never get to watch my favorite shows. There has to be something wrong with the fact that my motivator to work out is so that I can watch shows like Cupcake Wars, and Ace of Cakes while on the treadmill.

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Third on the list. And, speaking of eating...I read "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer. I won't give an in depth review because I did that over here on my other blog. But lets just say that its one of the most impacting books I've ever read.
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Fourth on the list. The California Lottery rocks. Remember a few weeks ago when the Mega Millions jackpot was up to like $340 million? Well, I too walked a block down the road to the local 7-eleven to buy a ticket, and as it turned out also a pint of Ben and Jerry's, but that's beside the point. I checked my ticket that night and was pleased to find that I had matched three of the five white balls (1 in 306 odds). Pleased that I had won anything at all I placed the ticket back in my wallet where it sat for two weeks forgotten. Seven dollars is seven dollars, but not worth a special trip to the convenience store. Well, apparently the California lotto works a little differently. It's the only state with a pari-mutuel payout. Hugh? In English, what that means is that the individual payouts are based off of number of tickets purchased and number of winnings. Since everyone and their mother bought tickets for this drawing my $7 ticket turned into $118. Thanks California Lottery for buying our tickets to Body Worlds Vitals (showing at the San Jose Tech museum) and our nice steak dinner last weekend.
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And lastly, because I promised that if you got through this random post that you would be rewarded by a special Oliver update. It's not a picture folks, it's a video!

I got an i-Pad for Christmas. There are apps for EVERYTHING, and as I found out the other night, also apps for CATS. Clearly, I couldn't pass that up. So here you go, a video of Oliver playing with his app.



In case you couldn't tell, it's a ping pong ball, and his nose is what's making it bounce around the screen. I didn't think the cat could get dumber. Clearly I was wrong.

apparently good luck comes in threes too

I had the best string of good luck last Wednesday. I'll describe the chain of events so that you can wonder in awe at my lucky-ness (in chronological order, of course).

7:07am: I arrive in the general vicinity of work, twenty-three minutes early as I always do. Just enough time to stop (if necessary) for a cup of coffee before heading to my cube for the day.

7:08am: Decision that coffee is NECESSARY for the morning since I didn't have time to froth milk at home for my normal home-brewed cappuccino. Stop into Panera Bread for a cup of joe and a breakfast sandwich.

7:10am: Coffee and sandwich ordered, I realize that my debit card (and only form of payment) is currently sitting in Tim's wallet, at home, where I left it the night before when we went to the gym. Controlled panic ensues, and sprint to figure out an excuse for why I can't pay for my breakfast.

7:11am: Right as I was about to stumble over my excuse and exit the restaurant with my head held low, the checker asks me for my Panera Rewards Card. Fifteen seconds later I realize for the first time why I'm glad I have this card.

7:12am: It appears, magically, that I have purchased enough coffee and breakfast sandwiches previously to, in the checker's own words: "get both my coffee and breakfast sandwich for free today." Seriously. The one day that I have zero dollars, and no debit or credit card, and I risk humiliation at an ungodly hour, I magically get my breakfast for free. Saved from humiliation, scorn and avoided eye contact, I leave the restaurant thrilled with the start to my day.

7:30am: Comfortably settled into my cube at work, logged in, and programs running. I call my first client, positive that he would not answer the phone. Immediate (large) sale follows. Apparently Mr. Colorado Private Investor really needs to sell his office building and has not only scheduled a reminder in his calendar to be ready to talk to me, but has gone to Starbucks, ordered his grande-double tall-extra hot- no whip-caramel latte, and is sitting at his computer logged in and ready to talk when I call. I promise...this Never. Ever. Happens.

Note: a big day at work is when you get two sales in any given day, having dialed at least 80 people, and actually spoken to maybe eight.

7:40am: Before I can even process Mr. Colarado Private Investor's credit card I get an incoming phone call (and again, just for perspective, people don't normally call me back, I am a sales person after all). Mr. California Real Estate Broker wants to take me up on my offer to advertise his listings. Second (large) sale of the day follows. Keep in mind I have had to do almost zero actual "selling" for either of these sales.

7:45am: I sit back, sip my tepid coffee, munch on my lukewarm breakfast sandwich - cheese now somewhere in that awkward, oily stage between melted and not melted- and smile about my day's quota being completed before I technically am expected to even get started.

7:45am-12:00pm: dial. dial. dial, not really worrying about anyone else actually answering the phone.

12:00pm: Lunch. Head to the bank to see if they'll let me withdraw funds from my account without my debit card. Success! I head to Whole Foods to buy Tim a carrot cake since his 30th (!!) birthday is that same day and I simply didn't have the time or patience to make him one myself.

12:25pm: Standing at the bakery counter, the day before Thanksgiving, realizing my foolishness in the midst of all the hoards of holiday shoppers. What made me think that there would be any cake, pie, or tart to spare when the biggest, most glutton filled holiday of the year is about to commence? I stare at the pathetically empty display case in utter defeat. I stick to it though, make it to the front of the line and ask the baker if he has any carrot cakes, or even just a slice of carrot cake left (trying to hide the desperately hopeful look on my face), and am informed, to my utter disbelief, that he has exactly ONE whole carrot cake left. Again...seriously? I got Whole Foods last carrot cake.

So that's it. The rest of the day followed pretty uneventfully, or I should say rather that It followed devoid of uncharacteristic and noteworthy *luck*. But overall, I'd say it wasn't a bad run. Though, I did get home and was immediately asked by the birthday boy why, given my obvious good fortune, I didn't buy a lottery ticket. Hmmmm, yes, why...why indeed? Damn it.

We could be millionaires.

:) Nic

P.S, and on a completely unrelated topic, here is a Youtube video that cracks me up every time I watch it. And we all thought Oliver was challenged...

Back from the unintended blogging hiatus...

Well, hello! For those of you who have been wondering what the heck happened to me, since it's been so long since my last post, don't you worry! I'm still here, I've just gotten really boring since moving to San Francisco. I guess that happens when you don't have exciting things like Presidential sightings, and epic blizzards to report about.

Actually, I've been spending most of my time over here. This is my second blog. Yes, I have two, because clearly one just wasn't enough. I decided to take on a challenge back in April. To read 52 books in 52 weeks, and I've been blogging my reviews of each book and my progress on the challenge over there. Feel free to go over there and check it out, comment if you want (and disagree with my opinions if you really want to), and grab a few reading ideas if you've been feeling a bit out of touch with your bookshelves lately. It's ok, go on. I'll wait......
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Ok, you're back now? Great. On with the show. Since my last entry a few notable, and a lot more not so notable things have occurred.

First up, I turned thirty. Yep, it's true, the big three-OH. This is what turning thirty looks like, or at least what it looked like for me as I was in PORTLAND(!!!!!) with some of my bestest friends in the world who were also celebrating leaving their twenties:
And, this is how we celebrated:
It was lots of fun :)

Second in the notable category is that I got a job. I finally gave in to the realization that even though I say that I don't like sales, the pressure of it, or the high production expectations involved with it, I'm actually really good at it. So, I am now officially a sales person. And, even though I know absolutely nothing about commercial real estate, I am working for the largest commercial real estate website on the internet. So, if any of you are ever looking to open a business, or buy an apartment complex, or run a hotel...let me know, I can try to help you navigate the 750,000 listings we have on the site. And even though I might not really understand what a CAP rate is, or what's involved in a 1031 exchange, at least I can pretend well enough to convince you to buy a membership to our site!! :)

Now on to the more exciting, but far less noteworthy category of events.

What's the biggest thing to have happened in San Francisco since, well, forever? That would be the San Francisco Giants winning the world series. Prior to moving here, I couldn't have told you who Tim Lincecum was, what "fear the beard" meant, or why in the world I should even care about baseball. That has all changed now folks, I officially have Giants fever. Helped by the fact that my office is directly next door to AT&T park, aka Giants Stadium. Oh My God, I have never seen such a display of team spirit in such a large scale. And oh how it was worth it to watch a team of misfits, the underdogs, come out and railroad their way to the championship. I don't think this city is ever going to stop talking about it.

And keeping with the sports theme here, lets talk about them DUCKS. Ahem, in case you've been living under a rock, or you just refuse to acknowledge that this Pac 10 team really is this good, please refer to the BCS poll which finally caught up to all the other polls and ranked my team #1 for the first time in the school's history. It appears that it is proving to be practically impossible for them to score less then 50 points in a game. Now, just to put this in perspective, I was super proud of the Ducks back when I was a student at U of O. I thought it was pretty damned cool that the we didn't loose a home game the entire time that I was there. But this is something else entirely. This is an offense the likes of which we've never seen come out of Eugene. They're unstoppable, and they may just run themselves to a national championship. Oh, please, lets hope so.

And just to prove how extra boring we've been, and also that some things never ever change, here is a pic of how Oliver has spent the last three months:

I leave you now with this absolutely hilariously stupid short film that my brother found on YouTube, and the promise not to take another three months to write another post :)

we interrupt this regulary scheduled program...

I had plans to blog all about the big elephant in the room, ie. my 30th birthday, but that is just going to have to wait until next week. Why? Well, there are so many different things that I have been amused by today that I just had to share some of them with you. I haven't done a completely random blog post in a while, and it is Friday after all, so I figured why not.

1) The most valuable thing i learned in the 7th grade was to suck it up and just ford the darned river already. Please please please watch this video. If you are younger then 25 years old you probably have no idea why I find this so amusing. But, if you spent middle school typing class doing everything you could (ie, fording rivers and trying not to die of dysentery) to avoid actually learning how to type, then you will hopefully find this equally as fantastic as I do.



2) Kitty Calisthenics. For months now, I have been trying to figure out how to get Oliver to exercise. The cat seriously needs to loose some weight. Granted, he's a little challenged in the "has the required number of workable legs" department, but still we needed to figure something out. Well, today, he seems to have solved that problem all on his own. Oliver has always shunned traditional cat toys. Give him a furry mouse, he ignores it. Sprinkle some catnip in front of him, and he turns up his nose. Anything with a bell, he gets annoyed by. But apparently if you ignore him long enough he will pull a dirty, balled up paper napkin out of the garbage and will find endless amounts of amusement flinging it around the kitchen. He did this for a full 25 minutes tonight. He actually picks it up in his mouth, flings it as far across the kitchen as he can, chases after it, then uses his hockey stick leg to kick it back, then starts the whole process over again. He's a one cat soccer team, and he's so tuckered out at the moment he's passed out in the middle of the kitchen floor.

3) "And if you're going to end your cover letter with 'best wishes' instead of 'sincerely,' I don't care how experienced you are—you won't be working for me."
In honor of my newly employed status please take a moment to read through The Onion's views on unemployment. I'd laugh a lot more if it wasn't for the fact that most of what they're making fun of is incredibly accurate. Oh, how I love The Onion.

4) and speaking of things that I love...
You'll have to actually click the comic to be redirected so you can read the whole thing, sorry, but I just didn't feel like figuring out how to make it fit.